You know what the best is?

3. Long and lonely commutes

I love these. At least a good hour of not having to deal with anyone else and their terribly inane bullshit. No one trying to turn my music down, so I can hear them tell me a story I don’t give a fuck about. I don’t mean to sound rude, but sometimes I just want to be left the fuck alone. I’m sure everyone feels this way as well. With all the distractions I have at home, these times are the only real time I have to myself, my thoughts and singing along to bands at the top of my lungs.

Fact: I listen to this album at least once a day and sing along to every word. It really makes the dreary commute go that much faster!

2. Low alcohol tolerances

I don’t really drink that frequently to begin with, but when I do, it doesn’t take a lot to get me drunk. Well, I don’t really drink to get drunk. It usually just happens. Anyway, why the fuck do some dudes like to act all macho about being able to drink twenty beers? Hey, you’re the man! I can drink a six-pack and get a nice drunk going. Shit, about two or three shots of bourbon puts me over the edge. The fact that I weigh 150 pounds doesn’t really help either, but I’m not complaining. Basically, being able to go out to the bar, spend $30 and get completely shitfaced while Joe Jerkoff has to dump his savings account to get a buzz going is pretty cool. Getting home and realizing that you still had a great time and a butt-load of money left in your wallet is the best.

See that? That’s me swimming in all the money I save while you go broke.

1. New Socks

Yeah, you read correctly, socks. Those godly things you put on your feet before your shoes. Putting on a new pair of these motherfuckers just sends a jolt of awesome throughout your entire body. Forget your morning coffee because the prospect of putting on a new pair of socks will get you jumping out of bed for the start of a great, brand new day.

Just look at how comfy these damn things look. They are the best.